Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Randomize
