i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
foreskin is a definite game changer
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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