your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
