Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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