Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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