she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
