remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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