so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
