I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
