The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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