what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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