Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
