Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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