Got a toothbrush?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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