I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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