It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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