He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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