just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
