He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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