i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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