she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Can Purell be used as lube?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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