I cannot find my penis.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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