She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize