I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize