I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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