Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
