Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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