dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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