she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
