Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
