well I can't set my house on fire every night
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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