when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
