She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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