i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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