I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
