I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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