There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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