So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
