I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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