Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
