You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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