Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
