If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
