Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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