so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
