I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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