Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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