If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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