why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize