K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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