So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
