I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Randomize
