So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
