I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
