You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
