New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
