before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
