Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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