I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
ok first of all what the fuck
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize