I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
