I'm gonna have a badass scar
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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