I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
