We're like a lot better than the average bears
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
