He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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