strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
