peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
