Your face is a jimmy john
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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