It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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