She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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