the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
